In four and one half hours

I'm in the death throws of my mid twenties. Yes, in roughly four and one half (make that one third) hours it will officially be my birthday and my mid twenties will be behind me. Here comes the late twenties, and with them the feeling that this lack of responsibility I've been enjoying is certain to end quite soon. I actually have possible work....in the works (parden the pseudo redundancy in that statement). Oddly, I'm not too concerned with this birthday. Normally, I've built it up or purposely avoided thinking about it resulting in some form of dissapointment. This year, however, I'm going to have fun, or what fun I can. It's not every day your Ninny embarks on his late twenties after all.

Aside from the birthday oddity another thought has wriggled into my consciousness. I'm always wondering what hapened to the idea of compassion. Where America lost it's caring and replaced it with self preservationism, greed, and judgement. Often I want to point to Chirstianity. Not that all Christians are like this. Quite the opposite in fact, but there are some standards ingrained in the bulk of the religion that fosters harsh judgement and oppression that I feel feeds the social break down we're experiencing.
I'm off point again, sorry.
In undergrad, I knew a girl who was double majoring in vocal music and cellular molecular biology. I thought this an odd combination, but then again, there are a lot of things I do that others find odd, so I applauded her ambition and let it be. When she chose to drop the science major and focus on music I asked her why. She told me that the only reason she had chosen the double major was that she intended to engineer a plague that would wipe humanity off the face of the planet, but she was too tired and burnt out from the double major insanity, so she was just going to sing instead. I thought to myself then that she was a bit crazier than I first realized but again, thought the idea had some merrit and also found her voice mesmerizing, so once again, I let it be.

In a recent conversation with a close friend the topic of HIV and AIDS came up. I recently was tested (still negative if you care) the discussion had turned to plagues and prevention. It seems that a person we know disagrees with efforts to stop AIDS (i.e. AIDS walk Los Angeles, free clinics, passing out condoms, etc...). When my friend was preparing for the AIDS marathon this other person screamed at her about natural selection, and how AIDS was entirely preventable. Though she is right, AIDS is entirely preventable, this is an overly simplistic view of an extremely complex and deadly scenario. A large portion of the problem stands in education and religious bans on necessary precautions. (hm...I'm getting off point again).

Tonight a friend informed me that his/her mother was just diagnosed with cancer. Having watched my own mother face this, still living through the aftermath of what this can bring to not only the patient but also their family, having heard news of an old friends mother recently dieing of cancer, this news came heavy. The compassion my own mother instilled in me makes me want to run to this friend and their family. To clean their house, go grocery shopping, make them dinner, wash their cars, answer their calls, poor them drinks, whatever I can to help. I know that these are things they don't need. In fact these are things they need to be doing to keep themselves mildly sane throughout whatever process is awaiting them.

I also think of how many people have cancer right now. How many have died from it, how many will never be the same person again, how many families, friends, and co-workers have suffered from this condition. I think to myself, how is this happening, and why does it seem to be getting worse? I have two answers for myself when I think this and I'm not sure which I like more.

1. The increase in cancer is a sort of natural selection. Humans have become soft with adaptations. Tools and science have been fighting off what would otherwise have killed us for centuries now, something will have it's way to put us in check. With six billion people, war, pollution, and hatred prevailing, perhaps this isn't such a bad thing. Perhaps my old college friend was right to consider simply wiping us off the planet with a single plague. Maybe she doesn't need to, perhaps cancer will do it for us.

2. When my mother was diagnosed our worlds changed. My sister was far away and felt trapped, she came home as soon as she could and will quite possibly never leave again, refusing to leave my parents on their own. My mother's friends and co-workers organized a meal circle, brought us dinner every night so that we could focus on trying to find the pieces that had fallen when my mother shattered. Cards, emails, faces from the past appeared on our door step. Flowers were everywhere, even with our house in shambles from a flood that happened at the same time, the house was filled with well wishers and sympathizers, there was no doubt how much love there was for my mother and our family. The compassion that seems to have leaked out of our culture, found it's way back in through an ugly back door. Perhaps cancer is a painful and ugly lesson in reminding us that we're social creatures. We rely on one another for more than just goods, but for love, companionship, caring. Compassion is a gift that our species developed in its own way, and one we are losing. Perhaps this shit that mutates our cells, devouring us from the inside out, is a way for us to remember that amazing ability we have to care.